Eulogy for my father

I am breaking my own rules by posting a personal matter on my blog. The blog is supposed to deal with smarter ways to get paid. But I wanted to record this for cyber-posterity so here goes. This is the eulogy I delivered on Monday at my father's funeral.

I wrote a eulogy in my head while driving down from Connecticut on Friday evening. It was a gush of random memories about growing up in Richmond and my father’s life, all played out in my mind like a collage on a mental screen. But putting it to words was harder.

When he died on Saturday afternoon I went back to his house and noticed a book on a bookshelf: Tom Brokaw’s “The Greatest Generation.” On the back of the paper cover there’s a quote:

“They came of age during the Great Depression and the Second World War and went on to build modern America—men and women whose everyday lives of duty, honor, achievement and courage gave us the world we have today.”

I foolishly looked for his name in the index. No mention.

So, with apologies to Tom Brokaw, here’s another brief chapter for the book in memory of my father.

Born in September 1923, to immigrant parents in New York City, and named after Oscar Wilde, , my father spent his high school years in the Big Band Era and was self-remembered best as a trombone playing kid with bow legs and wide spaces between his front top teeth.

In World War 2 he was shipped (literally) to Morotai in the South Pacific, and his service was not a romantic one like the Broadway play nor a courageous one like the TV series currently showing. He was an anti-aircraft gunner with a few hits under his belt, but his favorite story was being on sentry duty and hearing a rustle in the jungle, commanded in his best Japanese, “Stop!” to be ignored and have no recourse but to toss a grenade to kill the intruder. The next morning, the non-Japanese speaking wild boar was his first enemy ground casualty. Halperts are not especially warriors.

He returned to New York, looking for work and found a restaurant equipment sales position in Richmond, Virginia, of all places, in a period of racial segregation and post war economic opportunity. My parents were married in 1952. My mother followed him to Richmond (a culture shock for her) and soon reached that all-important milestone for first generation Americans raised in the city, bought a house on Mark Lawn Drive. We outgrew that house when Stuart came and moved to the classic 1960s split level in a suburban neighborhood on Kalb Road. My parents raised us as best they could always seeking better for their boys. Halperts were no longer apartment-dwellers.

He established a fledgling home business on the weekends and evenings, growing to a significant manufacturer of products no one else produced with the same quality. He brought my mother, Neil and Stuart into the business and named it Marston, an acronym of all our names. Halperts were now entrepreneurs.

In quickly ensuing years, the boys, and their children, all grew up. He was always most interested to hear of our successes and our children’s advancements, all the time he tried to keep up with Jewish events and Israeli news from his AOL account, he read cultural updates from the New Yorker, and produced the not-quite-ready-for-the-Pulitzer Prize 5100 Men’s Club newsletter until about 18 months ago.

Challenged by skin cancer and heart disease, he dodged the bullet more than most and healed. My mother’s pancreatic cancer and death in 1998 was difficult for him but he bounced back. He had to learn to do the laundry, shop for groceries and run a household, all truly alien to the archetypal 1950’s father.

Sarah finished with college, Mindy is finishing college, Dan and Adam are in college, Marissa is starting in the fall and Eric is soon to get ready to start the search. Halperts are on the move.

Another stroke 18 months ago threatened to stop him, but temporarily, and his greatest lament was that he had to use a walker as an 86-year old. I always reminded on our weekly phone call: 1) I want to reach 86; 2) I want to be able to stand at 86; 3) if I use a walker, that’s ok too. He never seemed to agree with me on the last point.

His physical therapy was counteracted by his fear of falling and he always needed that walker. He made an amazing rebound he made in 18 months. The final stroke this past Friday still had him reminding the staff at Beth Sholom Gardens and the ER to cancel a doctor’s appointment.

So back to Brokaw’s quote:
• duty: in the Army to his country and to his loved ones;
• honor: to manufacture the best product and do the best he could for his family;
• achievement: he took pride in his accomplishments and those of his family; and
• courage: as he had to fight his and my mother’s illnesses.

Another member of the Greatest Generation is gone.

And yet he was an eternally optimistic, intellectually curious without any formal higher education and to the end a headstrong Hungarian.

My brothers and I all thank you for celebrating his memory today.

what every consultant needs to hear

This was received out of the blue yesterday after not having been in touch with a member of the Board of one of my existing clients for a couple of years (I guess all is going well!):

We have had such a good experience with ModPay at the {client name}, I would be grateful for information on setting up ModPay with a non-profit in Philadelphia... Would you be kind enough to call me at {phone number}?

Makes us proud to help and to be referred over and over again.

How else can I help you?

A current client emailed me asking to help his sick family member raise money for hospital costs, asking if my services could provide fundraising.

No, I replied, unless you have a 501c3 and a bank account, and, and, and...

But back in my memory I had filed away www.chipin.com as a way nontraditional fundraising could be handled for needs that are too small for formal organizations. This was a great application, I thought. So, while I hate turning away an existing client who comes to me asking for fundraising help, I was able at least able to refer him to ChipIn.

I touched base with him this morning and asked how it was going.

His reply:

I am using Chipin.com...and have raised over $5000 in 48 hours…unbelievable and a renewed sense of the American spirit.

I am glad to be able to help in another way!

Speaking of LinkedIn...

I am speaking a lot about LinkedIn these days. A lot. Everywhere I can, in front of groups, teaching in small virtual classes, and offering suggestions to those in my leads groups. LinkedIn, for me, is a PROVEN a way to access any number of the 55 million businesspeople around the world seeking community from the expertise that people truly engaged in social networking can provide.

And what's in it for him? you might ask, why the heck does he spend the time speaking about LinkedIn?

Because it opens lots of doors to generate new business and get my brand out there. As an example, a large nonprofit umbrella organization asked me to teach my hour-long "LinkedIn for NonProfits" to its member organizations and as I spoke and showed my LinkedIn profile, they saw the types of work I do.

The next week they called me in to advise on a much-needed redesign of its online donation and class registration, a project I won in December. Finished on time and within budget, they were thrilled with the end result. So much so that they referred me to a couple of other potential clients.

That's reason enough to evangelize on LinkedIn. The network grows...

BTW my LinkedIn profile can be found at www.linkedin.com/in/marchalpert

Good news?

U.S. Economy Lost Only 11,000 Jobs in November

This headline from the New York Times today, seems like good news.

Only 11,000?

But ask any one of the 11,000 people how they feel to have lost their job during the holidays, "Isn't this great news for the economy?"

Stay focused, folks, reach out to those who have lost their job and try to help them connect with a staffing company or employer you know. It's one more way to help others by using your network!

Have a happy holiday season.

What to Say When You Are STILL Talking to Yourself

When I first started in business for myself I was given the book "What to Say When You Talk to Yourself" by Shad Helmstetter.

It was perfect for me at the time: I had just left the big corporate culture in which people to speak to, and conversation with them, were abundant.

On my own, new in business, what do you say to yourself in the deafening silence?
"How do I keep my focus, outlook, and attention without any sensory inputs?"
What was I saying to myself?

Now, over 7 years later, yes, I still talk to myself. In between, the phone rings a lot, I speak publicly (next one 11/19 at AFP CT Philanthropy Day conference in Waterbury) and now I also give webinars.

Thanks to my colleague Geri Stengel at Ventureneer in NYC, I am giving my third free webinar on Wednesday November 18th from 2 to 3:15 pm ET, this time "LinkedIn for NonProfits."

As of last night we have 134 people registered. Wow. We may have hit a nerve out there: nonprofit social networking tips and techniques seems to be a hot topic, based on the registrations.

So as your webinario, I am ready to speak to the attendees that afternoon directly from my office, speaking into my headset and showing my presentation slides from my desktop. Right on your screen and into your speakers or phone.

Without the benefit of ascertaining facial reactions when I teach or make public presentations at conferences, the webinar will be the latest chapter in my continuing habit of talking to myself: 134 new colleagues will actually be listening to me as I talk to myself, no one else in my office, about something that may help them.

And...even if you cannot attend on the 18th, the webinar will be recorded and available on my LinkedIn page and Ventureneer.com. Funny: in that situation I will be speaking without even being present: my presentation coming at you 24x7x365 and I am not even talking to myself!...ah technology...

This is it (?)

I have to marvel at the irony of Michael Jackson's unwittingly apt title for his last album and movie, "This is it."

I have to think the flight attendants who were rude enough to interrupt the "spirited" discussion going on in the Northwest Airlines cockpit thought: this was IT for them too: had the pilots all died?

No, the pilots were just brain dead-victims of getting lost in time and space behind their laptops.

Somehow I doubt they were just looking so intently at their workschedules...

So, finally please tell me, how come I am not supposed to use my cell phone behind the wheel of my car YET pilots can overshoot their destination while flying a multi-ton jet through US airspace, ignoring radio commands, while using their laptops?

Don't they have anything else to do up there?